There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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