Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
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I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
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Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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