so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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