yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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