Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
