She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
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i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
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I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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