our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Let the clothes fall where they may.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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