My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
