I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
