I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
