I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
