you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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