don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
