Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Houston, we have a blender
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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