hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
