38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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