i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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