Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
