He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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