I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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