how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
