if you like me you must not know who I am
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
