Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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