Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
