D3 body, D1 cock
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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