I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
