Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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