You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
