i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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