my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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