I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Randomize
