I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
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I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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