dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
