babies were throwing up all over the place
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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