Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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