is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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