i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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