you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
there is glitter all over my balls
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