Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
