You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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