I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
His nipple licking is glorious
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