This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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