I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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