It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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