the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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