No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
