So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
