youre lurking in front of me
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
