Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
