dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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