I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
