How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize