PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Randomize
