i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
