My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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