I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
