I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
