Kiss
Puke
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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