Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
im holly from the hills drunk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
