I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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