I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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